Our Loss
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: The continuation of Wooden Box. Life with baby seems perfect until something tragic happens leaving Sara to fear for the future. (Continuation coming soon)


Grissom looked at a paper as he stood in the hallway when he heard shouting coming from the front desk area.

"I want to see her now!" The angry man shouted

"I am sorry, but we can't let you in to see her." Nick said

I watched beside him as the front desk staff looked at the man nervously.

"That is my wife in there!"

"We understand that." Nick said

Grissom appeared walking over holding a paper.

"Sir, if you do not calm down I will have you escorted out of the building." He said, calmly.

"I am not leaving without her!"

"I am afraid we are in the middle of an investigation."

The man looked at him in shock then he fell to the ground sobbing.

"Nick go and fetch the grief counselor."

"Okay."

I looked at the man sadly as he held his head crying. Grissom went to his office noticing me following.

"Did you call the sitter?" I asked

"Yes, and he is fine." He said, sitting down in his chair.

"Good." I said

He watched me leave then he got to work. Coming home I yawned walking into the house waking the neighbor sitting for us on the couch then I quietly walked into James's room to see him. He lay in his crib sleeping on his back. I sighed looking at him happy to see him sleeping for a change.

Grissom came in seeing me coming out of the bedroom.

"He's sleeping." I said, whispering.

He nodded walking over kissing me. I smiled as he leaned over kissing my neck.

"You know it has been a while since we fooled around." He said

"I am to tired." I said

"Your up and I am up."

"James will be up soon."

He sighed looking at me.

"We have to spend some time together soon."

"I promise we will. We could both take an evening off, say tomorrow night?"

"I have meetings."

I sighed leaning in kissing him slowly then I moved back taking his hand leading him to the bedroom.

"Sara you're to tired."

"Get into bed." I said, pushing him onto the mattress.

He sat up watching me get undressed then I came over to him standing there in my underwear.

"Honey, I don't want you to do this now you are tired." He said

"When do we have time?" I asked "Your right we need to do this and quick before the baby wakes up."

He slowly nodded moving back onto the bed. I climbed over him kissing him. As I predicted James started to cry as Grissom and I were in the middle of things. I pushed him off me getting up putting on my robe leaving my husband to control his breathing.

I walked in picking my son up as he cried. Smelling him I knew that I would have to change his diaper which I hated. He stopped crying as I laid him on the changing table squirming around as I unfastened his diaper. The instant I opened it I gagged.

"Amazing that you can look at bodies and yet baby poop makes you almost vomit." Grissom said, as he walked in wearing a gray tee shirt and pajama pants.

"I made it this far." I said

"Let me do it." He said

"If you insist." I said, moving away. He chuckled as I grimaced leaving the room. Grissom looked down at the baby undoing the rest of the diaper.

"Just us men." He said, seeing James looking around for me. "I think your mother's milk has expired."

I made coffee as I rubbed my eyes. Sleep was the farthest thing from my mind now that the baby was up. Grissom came out with James in his arms walking over to the kitchen seeing me.

"Sara, go back to bed."

"I can't. I can take him."

"No, I got him."

I smiled walking over kissing the baby's head then my husband. I slept in bed as Grissom called into work telling George that I was not going to be in. He walked in to the bedroom leaning down kissing my head. I moved looking at him as he smiled.

"Your taking the evening off."

"I can't." I said

"I called in telling George your not coming. I want you to rest."

"You are the best husband." I said, with my face in the pillow. He touched my hair as I sighed.

"I'll have Angela take James."

I sat up looking up at him.

"No, don't do that. I want him here."

"Sara, you are exhausted. I want you to take care of the baby, but I also want you to rest."

I sighed nodding knowing he was right. He kissed me then walked out. I laid in bed hearing him talking to the baby was he walked out to the living room. He closed the front door and I closed my eyes trying to sleep.

Brass knocked on the door hours later seeing me open it looking down seeing a big bag filled with things for the baby.

"Dad, didn't we discuss this?" I asked

"I just bought a few things." He said, coming in. I closed the door taking the bag walking over to the dining room table lifting the bag up so everything inside it would land on the table. He watched me look at the stuffed animals and other toys. I looked at him with a smile on my face.

"What?"

"Your spoiling him and we don't want that. Just you visiting is enough."

"I only have one grandchild. I want to be the best granddad."

"You are, but this is to much."

I hugged him as he looked at the toys.

"Is he awake?"

"Go in and see." I said

He walked into the baby's room as I looked at the toys. The baby moved in the crib seeing Brass looking down at him. I came in standing beside him.

"Are you enjoying working with Sophia?" I asked

"Yes, it's good to have her back at the station. She is a good detective." He said "He looks smaller than other babies. Is he eating?"

"Every chance he gets." I said "The doctor said he is healthy."

Brass leaned down picking him up.

"Are we calling him Jim or James?"

"James." I said, smiling.

"Hello James." He said

I shook my head as he spoke to the baby.

"You're going to grow up to be a cop. I can tell."

"We don't know that." I said

"You'll be a cop." He said, glancing over at me. "I bought you presents."

I sighed walking out of the room leaving him to spend time with his grandson. Grissom came home smelling something cooking and hearing the baby in the living room. I sat on the couch holding the him as I watched TV.

"Hey." He said

"Hey." I said

He kissed me touching the baby's head.

"What smells good?"

"Take out."

"I want to change then I'll be out."

"Can you take him in to bed?" I asked

"Yes." Grissom said, taking the baby. I got up getting dinner. Grissom came back in some casual clothes looking at me confused as I laid a plate of food down for him on the counter.

"Sara, did Jim stop by?"

"Yes."

"With more toys?"

"Yes."

"I was wondering why there were more in there." He said, sitting down at the counter. "Did you talk to him about that?"

"I did, but you know how he is."

"Yes, I do."

"You should have seen him. He is so proud of James." I said, smiling.

"I know. He comes into the office talking about him all the time."

"It's really nice to see him so happy."

Grissom nodded eating.

I moved in bed later as Grissom sat up hearing the baby crying.

"Your turn daddy." I mumbled

"I know." He said, getting up leaving the room. I moved to my back listening to Grissom walking around.

The next month we worked hard shifts. I yawned as I walked down the hallway one night seeing Brass walking over with a troubled look on his face.

"Sara, something has happened!"

I looked at him walking over.

"Someone took James."

"What?"

He motioned me to walk with him down the hallway.

"We have an Amber alert out on him. Angela took him out to the park. She met with a friend leaving him in a stroller by a bench and she came back he was gone."

I stayed for hours forgetting about work. Grissom begged me to go home, but I couldn't. Grissom walked into the conference room where I was alone standing by the table lost in thought. I looked over at him watching him walk over hugging me.

"I know now what it feels like to be scared as a parent." I said "What if he is dead?"

"We will find him Sara." He said

I put my face in his chest as he held me to him. George walked in tapping on the door. Grissom and I moved seeing him.

"Gil, can you come with me a moment?"

"Yes." Grissom said, before looking at me. I nodded letting him go. Grissom went out into the hallway facing George.

"Brass found a car not far from here. A woman phoned it in because….."

"Because why?" Grissom asked

George looked over at me watching them then he looked at him.

"They found a body inside the car. A…baby."

Grissom closed his eyes putting his head down as George touched his arm. I came out looking at them.

"What's happened?" I asked

Grissom looked at me then he faced George.

"I'll meet you outside in a moment."

George nodded leaving as Grissom came over to me.

"They found him didn't they?"

He pulled me into the conference room closing the door. We sat down at the table as he rubbed my hand.

"Sara, I need to go somewhere for a while and I want you to stay here."

"What's going on?"

"I can't tell you yet."

"Grissom!"

"Sara, please just stay here and I will be back."

I felt tears go down my cheek as he pulled me to him holding me.

George drove a Tahoe over to where the abandoned car was with police around it. He parked looking over at Grissom who stared ahead.

"You know what this will do to Sara?" Grissom said

"I know, and I hope it isn't him." George said

Grissom looked at him then he got out walking slowly over to the car. Sophia stood beside the vehicle with Brass looking distraught.

"Is it?" Grissom asked

Brass slowly nodded before walking away. Grissom watched Sophia go after Brass as George touched Grissoms shoulder. The back door opened as a cop reached in picking up the body wrapped in a dirty blue blanket. He handed the baby to Grissom who cradled him. He unwrapped the blanket looking at the baby.

"I am so sorry." George said

Grissom nodded feeling tears go down his cheek. He leaned down kissing James's head then he walked over to the van that David the morgue worker stood waiting. Grissom watched him open the back and take the baby from him.

"I'll take good care of him." David said

Grissom nodded watching him place him on a stretcher in the back. I waited anxiously at the lab already feeling that my baby was dead. Grissom finally came back with Brass walking down the hallway seeing me standing by his office door. I ran over to them seeing it in their faces. Brass pulled me to him as I almost fell sobbing against him. Grissom looked at us then he looked down.

Brass took me to his office holding me on his couch as I cried.

"I am sorry, baby." He said "I am so sorry."

Grissom came in to the office seeing Brass still holding me quietly as I stared to the side against his chest. Brass shook his head at him as he sighed.

"Sara, I want to take you home." Grissom said

"I am not going. There is nothing for me there." I said

"Honey, you need rest."

"No!" I said, not moving.

"It's okay Gil; she can stay at my place." He said

Grissom left after that going home. He walked into the baby's quiet room looking around. He hunched over the crib crying.

Brass took me to his home helping me in bed in his spare room then he sat down on the bed holding me.

"Sssh." He said "It is the worst feeling losing a child. I remember the time my wife lost our son in childbirth. I never thought I would get over that."

"What do I do?" I asked

"There is nothing to do." He said

I lifted my face to look at him.

"Right now there is nothing you can do. You have had something precious taken away and it's up to other people to take over. Grissom is suffering to. You know I watched him today and he broke down. I have never seen him in so much pain." He said, wiping a tear from my cheek. "You two need to help each other. He has been really worried about you. I know he loves you and you need to show him that you love him."

I slowly nodded feeling him kiss my head.

"I love you, Sara."

"I love you to, dad." I said, hugging him tightly.

Grissom came out of the bedroom the next day seeing me coming in the house. I looked at him as he walked over pulling me to him.

"Oh Sara, I was just about to race over to Jim's to get you."

"I'm sorry." I said

"No, I am. I know I am not what you want right now."

I raised my face up to look at him.

"You are exactly what I need right now. We need each other."

He kissed me then held me to him. The days without James were empty. The person who took him was still out there. I gained strength through Grissom who took over the funeral plans and then took care of me. Everyone gave us hugs and cards which I put in my locker next to a picture of James.

When the funeral was over it was time to work and try to cope. The ongoing investigation took weeks and months. Sophia never stopped searching and questioning people.

I came home a few weeks later seeing Grissom come over to kiss me. I knew by the kind of kiss it was that he was only interested in one thing.

"Your late." He said

"Sorry." I said

"Your punishment will be that you must sleep with me." He said

I looked at him as he touched my arms.

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

I looked down.

"Grissom, I do not want to have another baby."

"I understand, but we need to move on."

"What if I get pregnant and that baby is taken?"

"Do you want to go back on the pill?"

"Let's just not do this." I said, walking past him to go to the kitchen. He walked in seeing me get some water.

"Sara, what is going on?"

"Nothing."

"I know when you are lying."

"I am just not in the mood."

"You haven't been in months."

"We just lost a child do you want to lose another?" I asked

"Who says we will?"

"I do, look outside it's not exactly safe!" I said

"You are telling me that we can't do anything because you are afraid?"

"Aren't you?"

He walked over touching my cheek.

"Sara, we cannot live in fear. It is a dangerous place out that door, but it is safe here. Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." I said, searching his eyes.

"I can wait till your ready."

I looked down as he left me to go to the bedroom. As I stood there I thought about what he said. He laid in bed as I came in looking at him. He looked at me watching as I walked over standing next to his side. He lifted the blanket and I climbed in lying on top of him resting my head on his chest. His arms moved around me as he sighed closing his eyes. We laid like that for a while until I moved up kissing him. He kissed me rolling me over till I was lying on my back. Closing my eyes I let him touch me.

When I woke he was gone. I pulled the blanket around my naked body walking to the bathroom. Walking down the hallway I saw Brass walking towards me.

"Hey." He said

"Hey, where you going?"

"We got a lead on the case. I am getting George." He said, walking past me.

"My case?"

"Yes." He said

I ran behind him to George's office. He went in seeing me come in behind him. George looked up from his desk.

"George, we are on our way to the location."

"Okay, I'll grab Nick." He said, getting up. Brass touched my cheek before running out. I watched George grab his gun and badge walking over.

"Sara, you need to help Greg."

"I want to help you." I said

"No, you are not to get involved, help Greg." He said, running out. I sighed watching him leave. Greg and I worked, but my mind was on what Brass and George were doing. Catherine came in looking at us.

"They got the guy." She said

Greg looked at me as I ran out down the station. I stopped seeing George and Brass with a man in cuffs walking to the interrogation rooms. The man looked over at me as I stared at him. Brass watched as I ran over enraged and tried to attack the man.

"Sara!" George shouted, running over to grab me. The man tried to get away from me as I screamed.

"You killed my son!" I cried, as I clawed at him. Brass pushed him away as George pulled me in the opposite direction.

"Sara stop!"

"Let me at him!" I cried "Why did you kill him?"

They disappeared as George pulled me out of the station to his office. He yanked me in closing the door struggling with me as I tried to get out again.

"Enough!"

He held my arms as I started to shake sobbing against him. He held me feeling me falling. He pulled me to a couch he had on the right of the room. I sank onto it as he held me. His phone went off and he picked it up.

"This is George." He said "Yes….I'll be right there."

He hung up just as the door opened and Grissom came in a blue suit.

"Brass just told me what happened." He said, looking at me. George let me go standing.

"I have to go to interrogation." He said

"I'll stay with her."

"Thank's."

Grissom walked over sitting in a chair in front of me taking my hand. I shook looking at him.

"He killed our son."

"I know, but you can't attack a person."

"I would do it again."

"Sara, you need to cool down. I want to hurt him to, but we have to keep our distance. If we do anything the case will be lost."

I wiped my eyes sniffing.

"I hope I hurt him."

He sighed rubbing my hand.

"I don't want to hear about you going down there again. Do you hear me?"

I said nothing as I looked down.

"Do you want to be put on suspension?"

"No."

"Then I suggest you get yourself under control or I will do that."

He watched me wipe another tear from my cheek then he sat back. The door opened as Brass came in shutting the door.

"He lawyered up."

Grissom nodded as I stood.

"I have to go back to work." I said

"The sheriff wants you out of the building." Brass said

Grissom stood looking at me.

"As of now."

"He can't do that!" I said

"He talked to George who agreed. You are on a suspension until further notice." He said "Gil, the sheriff wants to see you he is at your office and I am to escort Sara out of the building."

Grissom looked at me then he walked past.

"Grissom?" I said

He turned looking at me.

"I have to go to a meeting, Jim take her outside."

I watched Grissom leave leaving the door open. Brass motioned me to come with him and I slowly walked out. He took me out of the building leading me to my car.

"Go home." He said

I watched him leave me going back in the building. When I got home I sat on the couch staring at nothing. I woke to the front door closing seeing Grissom come in walking over to where I lay on the couch. He looked unhappy.

"What now?" I asked, sitting up.

"I have been in a meeting with the sheriff for a few hours and they want you gone."

I nodded looking down.

"But I told them you would not do that again. You can come back, but you are to be transferred to day shift."

I stood with my mouth open.

"Day shift?"

"Yes and they said this is your last break. You do anything else and your gone."

I nodded as he glared at me.

"I can't protect you anymore."

Grissom and I went to bed after that. I looked over at him sleeping beside me thinking how much trouble I cause him. He moved lifting his head looking at me.

"Can't sleep?" He asked

"Why do you put up with me?"

"Must be love." He said, putting his head down against the pillows as he closed his eyes.

"You are so wonderful." I said, touching his cheek.

"I think it's the other way round."

"If I were not around you would probably have a less stressed life."

"I very much doubt it." He said

I slid my finger down his cheek.

"I think you would."

"Mmm." He moaned

I sat up getting out of bed walking to the bathroom. Closing the door I went to the medicine cabinet turning on the sink as I looked for some aspirin, but my arm caught the bottle of sleeping pills which opened spilling pills all over. I bent to get them picked up when the door opened and I looked up seeing Grissom. He looked down seeing the pills on the floor. I stood as he bent down picking up the bottle looking at it then he looked at me.

"I needed some aspirin and I dropped these." I said

"These are sleeping pills." He said, handing me the bottle.

"I know."

We stood there in silence looking at each other.

"Why were you talking about not being here?" He asked

"I don't know. I was just thinking."

"You think I would be happier without you?"

"Grissom."

"I would not want to live without you. I hope that you know that to be true."

"I do."

He nodded looking down at the pills before leaving closing the door. I sat down on the toilet looking at the bottle as the sink ran. Grissom walked over to the garage seeing me looking at a tire on a table. He looked at my blue overalls smiling. I was concentrating jumping as he walked over.

"How is your first day?"

"Okay." I said

He touched my arm.

"Honey, I am sorry about last night. I know you would not harm yourself."

"That's okay." I said

He kissed my head leaving. I sighed looking down feeling blue. Brass walked with me outside to my car after shift.

"I hate day shift." I said

"Honey, it's only your first day." He said

"I know."

"Give it time."

I nodded hugging him before unlocking my car. I came home making a salad in the kitchen. The knife I needed was in the drawer taking it out I stared at it not noticing Grissom walking in from the front door seeing me. He watched me stare at the knife for a moment then turn seeing him.

"You scared me." I said

"Sorry." He said

I set the knife down on the counter walking over kissing him. He moved back hugging me looking over at the knife.

"Why are you here?"

"I was concerned about you."

"Oh."

"I think you should talk to a counselor."

I smiled looking at him.

"Why?"

"I have noticed you seem depressed."

"I'm fine." I said

He watched me walk back to the counter to cut some vegetables. I avoided his gaze hearing him go to the living room.

The next week I started to notice symptoms. My stomach started doing somersaults and I raced home after shift to do a test. I heart pounded as I waited then the bell went off. I walked over taking the stick off the sink looking at the results. Positive.

My breath came out hitched as I sat down on the toilet. Grissom sat in Brass's office looking at a pen he played with as Jim sat at his desk.

"She worries me." He said

"Sara would never intentionally harm herself." Brass said

"I know." Grissom said, as he threw the pen on the desk. His phone went off as he lifted it up putting it to his ear. "Grissom."

Brass watched him sit up some listening.

"Okay, calm down tell me what is wrong."

Brass watched him point to the phone saying mouthing my name. He looked at Brass then he stood.

"Are you sure?" He asked "Just calm down….take some deep breaths and I will come home."

He hung up looking at Jim.

"Is she all right?"

"She's pregnant."

Brass stood looking at him surprised.

"I have to go." Grissom said, leaving.

I sat on the floor of the bedroom holding the stick as I tried to control my breathing. Everything frightened me making me feel sick. The front door closed and I jumped hearing Grissom call my name. He found me where I sat. I handed him the stick and he sat on the bed looking at it.

"This is real isn't it?"

"Yes." He said

"What do we do?"

He looked at me setting the test down on the bed then he knelt down touching my arm.

"Sara, this will be a new start. This time we will protect this child and make sure that nothing ever happens. I will be a better father and you will be the mother you were before."

"I am scared."

"I know you are I am to." He said "I love you to much to let you quit."

I leaned up kissing him letting him hold me making me feel safe.


End file.
